What Journalists Should Know About Covering Grief

Sudden, unexpected, or quite horrible deaths are unfortunately a big part of what we, as journalists, are expected to cover. But the toll that these moments have on society—and, more greatly, on the individuals involved—cannot be understated. 

Our job as journalists is to communicate this tragedy to the world, which can seem antithetical to the emotional practices we want to employ when someone is grieving: on a personal level, we like to give grieving people privacy, agency to talk about what happened if necessary, and help them out in their daily lives by making them food, or taking care of something on their behalf that they otherwise might not be able to do. 

Journalists, instead, have to directly engage with the grieving process. Their subjects’ grieving process is to be respected. But juggling that on top of trying to complete your work as an interviewer or storyteller can be intimidating. 

Here are some best practices when approaching grieving people for your work.

MAKE THEM DO AS LITTLE OF THE RECOUNTING AS POSSIBLE

Nobody wants to relive their pain, especially if it’s grief, and reliving painful moments can be emotionally destructive if that person is in the middle of their process. Research all the facts beforehand and get as clear a picture of the narrative as possible so that your interview doesn’t become an exercise in cruelty.

GIVE YOUR SUBJECT AGENCY

Your subject should decide how much they want to reveal about the person they’re grieving, about the event itself, or what have you. They should have agency over how to choose to remember this person, where they want to give the interview, how they choose to engage with you, what information they choose to share, and any of the variables we—as journalists—would otherwise control as interviewers. 

NO “RELATING”

Telling someone who just lost a loved one “I know exactly how you feel” is a great way to make your subject angry, and to make the death of someone about yourself. Simply put, that is a big no when talking to grieving subjects. The fact is, you don’t know how they feel, and your own stories don’t actually matter when it comes to the story you are trying to write. 

BE PRESENT AND DON’T CONTROL THE CONVERSATION

Trying to control a conversation around grief is like trying to train a cat to do a backflip—it’s not going to happen. Grief is its own beast, borne of the loss of love, and the grieving person will want to share parts of the deceased’s life that they feel people should have known about. Even if this isn’t necessarily the information you’re looking for, you owe it to the grieving party to allow them to remember this person and share this person however they want. You can ask questions and guide interviewees toward the path you’d like to get to, but you can’t drag them down that path unwillingly.

BE A PERSON

When people grieve, emotions run high. The person you are dealing with is going through a lot. Your approach should always be one of kindness and understanding, even if that doesn’t involve deep engagement with your subjects. If someone gets angry with you, apologize. If someone starts crying, give them the space to cry before checking in with them. If someone says the interview has to stop, then it stops. Journalists are nothing without the trust of the community and the trust of a grieving person in the community is extremely important to respect. 

Journalism is the human pursuit of information, in theory. But in practice, there is a lot more “human” in there than most people know at first glance. That humanity is an essential tool in a journalists’ toolbox.