A Foreign Correspondent Shares Her Experience in Honor of World Poetry Day

For a significant part of my life, I have constantly struggled with a place to call home. Being from the Caribbean island of Saint Lucia, I spent a long time traveling between there and New York and thinking that where I ultimately lived would signify some sort of betrayal to the place I did not. Both places have offered me so much richness, happiness, culture, family, and fulfillment. So much of our identity is determined by where we roam.

Though we may not necessarily think about it, where we live forms part of who we are as people. It determines what types of relationships we have, who and where our family and friends are, our career paths, and ultimately our sense of contentment as individuals. Personally, this wavering back and forth has brought me a lot of pain because choosing one place always meant losing an important aspect of myself. The following poem details my personal battle as an immigrant woman with belonging, finding peace, and ultimately determining where my home lies.

“CONFLICTED LOVE”

I am a place of rhythm and tempo, of vibrance, of life

where soca music caresses the soul, my heart it ignites.

St Lucia’s enchantment is powerful, but she allows me to wander.

Permits the seduction of other women’s allure and wonder. 

I have flirted with London, been courted by France.

But I fell  in love with New York, as if by chance.

Possessed by her magic, infatuation turns into passion

Joy and pain my betrayal to my island stirs mix emotion 

For most of who I am is mirrored by moves of left and right 

Is my true love St. Lucia or NY, my city of lights?

I ignore the chaos, focus on writing, the floor which started the confusing dance

Writing has molded and inspired me to advance.

 I did stories of hope, empowerment, and victory.

Stories of birth and death reflecting life’s contradictories.  

I look back on the people I have impacted, see the joy in their eyes

Epiphany whispers they helped you to rise.

But my personal tale may not reflect their brilliance  

It is one of failure, rejection, shame, hindrance. 

The tears I have cried, the tireless encounter.

Rocky roads, they cause me to falter.  

But despite the barriers, I start all over again 

Knowing there is no smile without sigh, no joy without pain.

My mind traces back on my lover’s dilemma,

Can I betray the love of my island, my homeland St. Lucia?

The sounds of soap opera and my siblings talking is quite nostalgic

waking up to the sounds of country music on a Sunday can seem eccentric 

Taking long walks on the square and laughing with friends 

Promises of forever and hope that these moments will never end. 

The smell of mac and cheese and the sweet joys of holidays

St Lucia, you have my heart, I swear, always. 

New York, your diversity, you’re unperturbed by slumber 

Sounds of constant sirens, people talking, the joys of summer

You have led me to my family, my husband, my son  

The people who have shaped the person I have become 

But the love dance has ended, and the decision still roams 

Who should I choose? Who’s my heart?  Where’s my home?

Joy embraces me; I finally know what to do.

I love you both, my heart belongs to both of you 

Cause love for a country should not be plagued by dichotomy

The heart has room for more than one, my ultimate philosophy.   

I hurriedly pack my suitcase, with all the souvenirs I gotten through my travels of life,

And set upon my next journey with joy, a smile and strife. 

My home is this moment, wherever I roam.

My heart, all my journeys, my now is my home